Deepak’s shocking story is an extreme case of hatred and rage perpetrated by domestic violence , aggravated by lack of communication. The loss of his loving caregiver was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Lets examine the key lessons to remember
Firstly the violence of any form, even hitting, is not an answer to any problem for correcting a child especially when an adolescent child is involved. The best solution is always to nurture a warm relationship with your children by spending relaxing time with them like playing with them or involving in any activities like their science project, reading etc so that the barrier between the father and son is broken and he starts sharing his views and feelings. Unfortunately in India where the men work very late they hardly have time to even to talk with their wards. In that case they should make it a point to their children on a picnic etc where the child can interact with them freely.
Aggressive disputes should be strictly avoided at any cost. Any verbal disputes should also be settled away from the children’s vicinity as a constant troubled atmosphere disturb the mental state of the child would be affected. If caught in a situation of domestic violence, be very wary of the hatred and rage that may be growing in the child’s heart.
In this case the mother needed to have stepped in to protect the child from this extreme violence. Many insist they’re not courageous: ‘If I were courageous I would have stopped the abuse.’ ‘If I were courageous, I wouldn’t be scared’…As Laura Davis says in her book, The Courage to heal “Most of us have it mixed up. You don’t start with courage and then face fear. You become courageous because you face your fear.”
Another dark contributor is the TV culture where for the sake of viewership domestic violence is freely practised. Every one hits everyone. This gives domestic violence a justification and indirectly affects the feelings of people who too watch them. There is an urgent need of censorship to TV commercial and serials where domestic violence is projected.
Lastly, when your child encounters a sudden loss of a companion, be it due to marriage of his aunt as in this case, death of a grandparents, loss of a pet or his best friend in school moving away, take extra care to be there for your child. These are vulnerable times when your child craves a warm hug , love and attention.
Luckily the school students numbers are less now and the teachers make a good observation of their attitudes and behaviour. There are frequent parent teacher interactions and the schools also have good counsellors to solve their problems. But someone needs to reach out that hand. In situations where the home front cannot be changed, it is actually better to frankly seek help from the school or a counsellor, so the child comes out of his mental anguish.
Let us all stand up and raise our voice against violence against domestic violence and especially violence against children in any form.
See you in my next blog.